It’s time for tonight’s update. To begin, think about the smartest, funniest, or smartest and funniest person you know. That person likely suffers from depression on some level and uses their intellect or humor to cover it up. Now, on to the update. A while ago, I spent time in a weekend intervention facility so that I could enforce my desire to stay sober. Since then, I’ve been going to weekly after care meetings to stay on track. It’s not AA; it’s more of a weekly group counselling session. As everyone that follows me has already seen, I’m not going to lie/hide the pain I’m in right now, because I know there is help out there. I spoke up at the meeting, telling them that I’ve been very depressed and thinking suicidal thoughts all week. The group leader asked me to stick around and talk after the meeting, and the entire group told me to go get help tonight. I’ve heard that a lot recently, but I didn’t want to be stuck in a psych ward instead of attending my bomb training next week in New Mexico. The group leader told me he either had to take me to the hospital or call the police since I’ve stated that I’m suicidal. Well played, Jeremy. I likely would have done the same thing. After they told me that it could possibly be a quick out patient visit where they immediately adjust my medications, I was much more willing to be seen. It’s crazy that last Friday, all I had to do to die is lift my face mask and breath in nerve agent, and now, I wish I were dead but know that I’m not done on earth yet. Part of the reason might be because I’ve promised certain people I love that I will protect them, whether family or friends. Those commitments are probably the only reason I’m not dead, because I am loyal and do everything I can to keep my promises as long as it is not detrimental to those I care about. I am currently sitting in a hospital waiting to be cleared by a doctor so that the mental health wing can see me. They are busy tonight, so it will be a long wait. At least, as a medical provider, this is my favorite hospital. EMT buddies, come get an uncrustable and say hi if you know where I am. No idea how long I’ll be here, and they will probably take my phone at some point during the evaluation. Until then, I stay sitting in a hospital feeling my natural EMT self here. What does that mean? I am likely to forget I’m here for myself and jump in to triage something. Good thing I’m not dressed for the part tonight.