Tonight’s update: I’m finally back at home. Chester was so happy for us to be back that he left us welcome home presents on the main floor. Thanks, buddy! I’m exhausted and have been through a roller coaster of emotions today. I started off being very irritable as I was still partially asleep when we had to load up the car and hit the road. This was evidenced by the fact that I used body lotion as shampoo in the shower. Worth noting: it wasn’t the type branded as multi-function. After I got some caffeine in me, I was at least bearable to be around. My mood cheered up while I was active throughout the day in Hershey, PA, and then it started to decline again while I was in the car for the rest of the ride home. I’ve noticed that my mood has been doing that recently. It will be fine in the morning and then it gets more unbearable in the late afternoon hours and throughout the evening. It’s time to talk to my doctors about another adjustment of my non-sedating antidepressants now that I have established a pattern. While in Hershey, I managed to catch some of the Blues Traveler set from the parking lot while they were performing. It actually reminded me of the quote that I put in the yearbook during my senior year of high school, and how incredibly appropriate it is today. “The answers are getting harder and harder And there ain’t no way to bargain or barter But if you’ve got the angst or the ardor You might faint from the fight but you’re gonna find it For every challenge could have paradise behind it And if you accept what you have lost and you stand tall You might just get it back and you can get it all So now you know why it’s a long way to fall Yeah cause it’s a long way to fall” -Stand, Blues Traveler And now I sit in bed, back in the place where my thoughts run rampant, listening to Joshua Radin. I got to see him perform at 9:30 (incredibly famous DC concert venue, for those of you that are not familiar with it) a few years ago and he explained what it was like writing two of his songs. He explained how he had a terrible breakup with someone he was seeing and then delved into a horrible mindset for quite some time. The first song he wrote references that it was approximately a year that passed when he wasn’t able to function due to the depression. He wasn’t even able to write music, which is what his one true passion in life seems to be. (I’m of the mindset that someone who writes music for a living cannot ever have another passion above the love of their melodies and lyrics, as it touches so many people in such magnificent ways.) Eventually, he sat down to write One of These Days. He fell asleep afterwards, and then awoke the next day to write Brand New Day. It turns out that writing One of These Days was a cathartic release for him and he was then able to return to normal life. Interestingly enough, to me at least, is the fact that both of the songs came from a depressed mindset. One of These Days was written when he was at a splendid low point, and then Brand New Day was written while he rose from the depths in order to climb out of the whole and grab life by the horns. Without having lived through that part of his life in depression, he would have never created those two works of art, and I know for a fact that they have helped so many people get through their own tough times. So I have to wonder, what will be my cathartic release? Will I finally be able to put together a song that I’m proud of? Since I was in third grade, my white whale in life has been to write a song. I’ve always dreamed of writing something meaningful that can express my true feelings and allow me to connect to others in such a grand way. In fact, I was insanely jealous of Griffin House when I first heard the song The Guy That Says Goodbye (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oG1IfQx9Oc) because it is exactly what I want to tell all of my good female friends whenever they are hurting through a breakup. If I’m ever able to make it happen, I hope to have a positive message, allow myself to be vulnerable, and connect with other people as they travel through their own journeys in life. I don’t really have much more to say right now, so I’m going to end tonight the same way that Mike Catherwood ends every episode of Loveline, because it actually spoke to me tonight. “In this crazy mixed up world that makes you think nobody cares, we do. Be good. Goodnight.”