For those of you keeping track of what’s going on, today started out strong and then went downhill rapidly again. It was another night of on-and-off tears feeling empty and isolated. I’ve made a promise to one of my closest/best friends that I will not harm myself this week. I have doctor’s appointments scheduled for Friday so that my antidepressant medications can be examined/revised and for me to speak with a therapist. I have also promised that same person that I will seek intensive therapy starting 9/1 (as long as the doctors on Friday clear me to go to another training session next week.) I have close friends with me constantly until I go to the doctor on Friday. There is one quote that has helped me through so much over the past eight years that I would like to share. “I have sat in meetings with thousands of people, some of whom had many, many years of recovery, and listened to them all speak of the emptiness inside. The “hole” inside that they tried to fill with drugs, alcohol or “things”. No one ever speaks of the fact that the emptiness is supposed to be there and is totally and completely part of who we are and it will not and should not ever really go away. No one ever speaks of the obvious fact that the “hole” or the longing or the feeling of incompleteness is what drove us as humans up and out of the primordial ooze. It’s what drove us to walk upright so we could see better and farther. It’s what drives us to seek God or Yahweh or Mohammed or Jesus or the Great Spirit or the Tao. It’s what drives us to greater and higher levels of knowledge in science and art and medicine. It’s what drives us together into societies so we can share our resources and knowledge and friendship and love. It’s what drives us to seek higher education. It’s what drives me to want to be a better artist and singer and worker and student and teacher and lover and friend. I guess the real question is: Where do you want to go?” I’m going to continue posting updates as I make my way through this battle because I have recently realized how many of my friends do not understand depression at all. If these posts bother you, please feel free to unfollow me. Within a couple of weeks, I should be back to posting about mindless crap again. And don’t worry, the mindless crap won’t disappear in the mean time. Heck, look at the Charlie Sheen Ice Bucket Challenge I shared earlier today!